The trap sets out its tiny pieces of bait by putting JLo on a magazine cover with a line like Beauty At Any Age. The trap is in making you feel like you're a disgusting failure if that's not your life, too.
#Jennifer lopez u turn fixing drapes movie
She's a genetically-blessed woman who's working out every day, is extremely conscious of what and when she eats, and has a team of professionals working on keeping her youthful, beautiful and relevant enough to keep her selling out tours and landing movie roles. Public property, always on display in an ever-more naked dress.įor years, JLo's body has been a pop culture icon. And then JLo was in a movie with George Clooney called Out Of Sight and everyone lost their minds because “Jennifer Lopez” was Latina and beyond beautiful and had a bum and could act and sing and she had a string of exciting fiances (Puff Daddy! Ben Affleck! Marc Anthony! A-Rod!) and then she wore a green Versace curtain to an awards ceremony and people lost their minds and ever since then… JLo’s body has been a pop culture icon. Her bum used to be considered shocking and enormous, if you can believe that, kids.īecause before JLo, the famous ladies were all Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston and Sarah Michelle Gellar and they were only ever-thinner blonde people. Before there was Kim Kardashian, Nicky Minaj and every single butt-selfie-snapping gym influencer ever, there was JLo. It’s basically you, doing your job, only JLo’s sheet-shoot is probably slightly less useful to the world.
#Jennifer lopez u turn fixing drapes how to
JLo looking completely rocking in next to no clothes is basically you nailing a spreadsheet or selling someone an apartment or giving a pain-relieving massage or fixing a car or writing a marketing plan or teaching a kid how to read or making dinner for your family, or… you get the picture. JLo in a green sheet is JLo doing her job. JLo in a green sheet has nothing to do with me.
One that I am about to trip and fall into. Yeah, JLo, it’s fine for you with your trainer and your chef and your nannies and your nutritionist and your assistant… I bet I would look like that – yep, I totally would look like that – if I had that kind of help…”Īnd then I remember it’s a trap. I bet she’s soooooo boring to be around because she never eats the cheese plate and she’s probably neurotic and really insecure and a terrible example to her daughter. I bet that picture’s airbrushed to shit, too. I bet she barely sees those twins because she’s always at the gym, or the plastic surgeon, or the, that… place with the green smoothies. After the self-flagellation they turn to uncharitable bitterness. I can hear your thoughts because they’re mine, too. Oh my God, I’m not even 49 and…”Ĭurrent birthday situation… yup photo credit : post shared by Jennifer Lopez on at 5:06pm PDT I’m so weak and lazy and dumb and if only I got my shit together and learned to pass on the cheese plate, I might look like that in a green glittery cape, too. I bet JLo hasn’t eaten bread for 12 years.
I bet JLo would have passed on that cheese plate I had last night. JLo has twins and she has time to get her arms looking like a racehorse’s rump, what’s my excuse? F***, I’m so lazy.
What kind of weird witchcraft shit is that? And her arms. How does JLo’s bum look like that? How does she not have one single solitary wrinkle on her entire body? Where are her stretch marks? Hasn’t she had twins? Shiiiiiiit. Oh my God, I’m not even 49 and my bum has never looked like that. If you’ve caught sight of this image on the internet today, sighed deeply and started mentally cataloguing all the ways in which you are unworthy, you are falling into a trap you are way too smart for. You don’t look like this with no clothes on. You might have a multi-millionaire sports megastar lover (like JLo does) or you might not (chances are, let’s face it). You might have had twins (like JLo), or have never given birth. December 2018 post shared by Jennifer Lopez on at 9:43am PDT
0 kommentar(er)
